It dawned on me the other day while shaving my legs, something I don't do that often, that I'm really fat. If there was less of me I could get this done quicker. Now, that kind of statement would prompt somebody, usually a person of thinner frame or a man to say, "No, you're just fine. You look good. Don't think like that." This is what I hear, "Eat everything, sit down, don't walk the dog, lay around and be lazy. Eat while laying around. Eat all that you can. It's so tasty and good. Lane Bryant goes up to 24/26 you've only reached 18. You have more room to grow and grow and grow...."
My guy friend, Route 66, pinched my lower right loved handle. STOP. Imagine laying there cuddling watching the movie. He's holding me and I'm loving it up. Ciara's quiet on the floor. I couldn't be happier. I'm thinking about spending the rest of my life with him. We're going to be so happy. Then he had what seemed like a few fingers on my back, then I felt pressure squeezing the fat and then a slight jiggle. So he pinched and jiggled my love handle. And then gave me a tight hug. I wanted to scream, "What are you doing? Why are you touching something that you are not supposed to see?" I wanted to tell him to get out and never come back. He acknowledge my love handle. Mind you that Route 66 is Snoop Dogg frail and well 6'6". I'm 5'4" and over 200lbs and have started squeezing into size 18.
I've never been this fat. I've never been skinny thanks to my daddy. Mama used to make us eat Shreaded Wheat or something else nasty in the morning with some fruit - one bowl. We did this for some time until Daddy started stopping by Biscuitville. I would get a sausage biscuit and orange juice. By the end of the school year, I was the fattest kid in the whole class.
Last summer I started walking hyper Ciara. At first I couldn't walk around the neighborhood because my legs would burn and my spine felt like it was going to fall out of my tailbone. That's when I was introduced to BC powder by a co-worker. "Yeah, I take them a hour before I work out." I still could feel the burning so I kept singing in my head Milly Jackson's "No pain, no gain." I'd look down at Ciara and she's just living it up. "Ha, ha I'm outside. Look at the grass. Wow, somebody's been to the fire hydrant, somebody's been here Carmen. Omg, is that a bunny. It's a bunny...." When we got home Ciara would leave me alone, she was tired. I had to walk her more and everyday. Next thing I know I was doing just that and then the cold came. Gottomighty, the wind felt like needles on my face. I couldn't walk anymore like that. "Look old grandpa, why are you out here at some 6am jogging with your reflectors on. I said it's cold out here and we can't walk anymore. I just can't do it."
My rings are getting tight again. I want an elliptical machine in my house - not at the gym. I keep saying that I need to get a treadmill for me and Ciara to use. I know I'd get bored with the treadmill. I know if I get an elliptical I'll use it because I can stay on there for a long time. If I go to the gym I'll be turned off by the already sexy and fit people. Where are the fat people in the gym? Do they go in the wee hours of the night? Or do we just sit and blog about loosing weight?
I just got back from getting some Chinese food and there's a little gym in the shopping center. Nautillus or something. They had elliptical machines, rows of them and I could see only one person working out. A huge vinyl sign read $5 daily workouts. Interesting.