Sunday, March 4, 2007

For Sale - Maxius MaxiGlide Hair Straightener

I really thought long and hard about getting this magical hair straightening wand. I remember seeing it with my mom who is also natural. And we both came to the conclusion it wouldn't work on my hair. Some months maybe even a year went by and I was at the cross-road. (que Bones-n-Harmony's Cross-Roads...miss my uncle Charles y' won't be lonely....) For some reason - detangling - I hated my hair. My hair WAS the ENEMY. It was a terrorist to the rest of my beauty that was doing much better. My face was nearly de-furred. Yes, I make up words. My scars from shaving my face were clearing up thanks to Ideal Image and their hair laser treatments. I fell in love with my face again and even started to get my eyebrows arched. So, much better. Wow, I was turing into a swan, but right over the forehead that was clearing up was - the enemy - my own hair. BOO. HISS.

At the crossroad, right. My options were -relax, lock, flat-iron forever, or cut it all off. Millions of inches of hair to be chopped off again - been there and done that like four times in my life. Relax, I've done that too and decided never, ever, ever to do that again. Lock, don't know nothing about it. I was left with flat-ironing it forever. At least I could be nappy when I wanted to. Off to Linen-N-Stuff to get my Maxi-Glide. It worked like a dream too. Smooth and yes silky. It was like that the next day too after wrapping it and tying it down like a tornadic winds were going to touch down just to take off my scarves - yes I wore a do-rag and an another scarf over that. I didn't mind that I didn't get any sleep cause I kept pulling the scarves down. My ears were red. And of course I had a line across my forehead. All that counted was I could run that comb through my hair with ease.

Later that day, my hair is on Diana Ross, or shall I say Trace Ellis Ross status. It was neither straight or nappy - it was different and big with enough cuteness that I was ok. Four five days later. It was on Chaka Khan status like maybe after a concert on the hottest most humid day on the planet Earth. And then she got caught in the rain and it dried. And then she smooved it over with the palm of her hand. Yeah, it was like that - HUGE and STRANGE.

So, I washed it and was prepared to flat iron it again. This time I was in a rush trying to get to the club and my neighbor who wears a wig - EVERYDAY - was driving. She doesn't understand, I'm doing my hair. My hair is half nappy and half straight doesn't really bring about sympathy from her. What could I do? It didn't dawn on me to tell her I'd catch up with her later and finish my hair. I did what any nappyheaded woman would do if faced with this situation. I pulled the shower curtain back, turned on the water, grabbed the shower head, leaned my head over the tub, and let the water work it's magic. Wrapped a towel around my head and jumped in my clothes. Took the towel off, shook it a little, put some juices and berries on it and it was done. Out the door.

Those were the two times I've used it. You were really nice MaxiGlide, but just not for me. No hard feelings ok.


letitcurlgirl said...

I read your blog entries and have concluded that you are soooo funny. I laughed out loud (..I miss my uncle charles..) Brilliant. Your hair is flyy too. I can tell you're a true natural hair enthusiast. I look forward to you future posts.
Check out my hairstory at

Jett Love said...

Thank you, on my night job I like to write. Plus I don't watch tv, gotta entertain myself. I'm loving my hair, woke up and it wasn't smushed up like Don King. I'm going to your page.

Sis. RJQueen10 said...

I think you are funny too! I laughed in spite of myself when you said, "Yes, I make up words!". So do I! Here is one "romantical". I loved this post on your blog. It was really, Really, REALLY good!

Sis. RJQueen10

Okay, I think I have read all of your posts so far and commented to many of them. Now I can add you to my blogs I have read from beginning to end list.

Thanks for coming to my blog and commenting at my blog!

blackrussian said...

I didn't have time to read your whole blog today, so I skipped around a lot, but, yes, I agree. You are HILARIOUS! I really do hope you write a book.

Brandon said...

How much do you want for the maxiglide, and what comes with it? Please let me know soon because my anniversary is coming up and she wants one. I figure ill get her one and suprise her. Thanks!