Friday, August 17, 2012

I Can't Lose Weight

I've been working at this since May and I feel like I'm getting nowhere.  The gym isn't getting better.  My foot hurts, but not as bad.  Or maybe I've become acclimated to the pain.  My belly doesn't seem to be getting any smaller.  Only my wrists, but, but wait, just one wrist seems to be getting smaller.  I say that in sarcasm because I wear just one bracelet.  Did the links stretch and this is all a joke?  I'm drinking 64oz of water.  Clean eating, moderation, protein, more fruit, more veggies, no French Fries, no this, no that and I feel like it's all in insert a cuss-word vain.

It really makes me wonder if I'm just supposed to be fat.  I've been praying and nearly to tears about this. Gastric bypass has even crossed my mind.  But I don't know with Jesse Jackson Jr. having depression and bi-polarism.  I'm already angry and frustrated.  That's probably what happened.  Couldn't lose weight, had surgery, somebody said that trigger word.  You never know.  It's serious people.

Maybe I should go back on the Devil aka metformin.  That will surely get my bowels moving like a ninja in the dark, but leaving me feeling like I have a serious stomach virus.  I'd rather be fat than to use that stuff again.  Yet, out of desperation I thought about it.

I've mentally cussed out everything.  I had to nicely tell my workout partner for chanting 'Get It Girl' while I'm in the zone. I really wanted to blurt out a string off ill things, but I didn't.  I apologized to her for being mean and why I didn't like the high pitched cheer leading.  I prayed to God, Allah, Jesus, Mother Mary, Buddha, and my blue light within to make a blankety-blank cramp in my ab to go away while working out.  I'm sure God side-eyed me when I cussed because just as it was going away, the cramp came back.  I prayed for forgiveness.  Yes, my attitude is deplorable. Now if you got offended, cast the first stone.

The mirror at the gym, let me tell you about that liar.  My shape is flicted, but not as messed up as that.  A little weight loss and toning and I'll be fine.  It's like I'm at a carnival and come up to the fun house of mirrors.  My belly is not that big.  Mirror, mirror on the wall, I'll take seven bad years for you.  Just like your lying cousin the scale.

Ciara, for those of you just joining in, my dog, has gotten yelled at for getting in my way when I'm trying to walk anywhere in the house.  She sleeps between the bed and wall all sprawled out so when I get up I have to step over her. That's a feat with legs feeling like concrete and my foot feeling like I'm stepping on 2X4s with nails in them.  Poor puppydawgkittyboogirl was crated one night after the gym so I could take a nap before work.  She was barking entirely too much.

A cortisone shot would be the ticket.  I'm really thinking about that.  In my mind I've already thought out the whole pain channeling.  I would need a nurse possibly to talk to during the procedure.  I like doctors and nurses that coo me to a happy place when pain is involved.  Yes, talk to me in a soothing voice and tell me I'm doing great.

Conclusion, I'll keep on exercising and eating clean.  I didn't gain ten pounds in a month.


Nikki Boudreaux said...

I fighting this battle too...YOU ARE NOT ALONE, my sister! Starting today, I will be adding fresh fruits and veggies to my daily menus. And more water. I'm praying that something will jumpstart my energy so I can start and complete a workout routine. I will not give up...

new2locs said...

Have you taken pictures of yourself? Have you measured? Sometimes the scale is our biggest enemy when losing weight. So maybe try those two things & don't give up! Also there's a great app & website out called the app same name is free check it out! I use it with my hubby, he's lost a ton of weight but me being like you it's barely moving but hey I just keep plugging away because everybody else see's my loss but me.
Good luck!

Anna Higgins said...

Hey Carmen! Cheer Up! Chill, relax. and be happy! You’ll do yourself a big favor by doing that. Please don’t be anxious if you can’t see any changes YET. You will, in time. Just don’t give up and keep up that fighting spirit within you. Power on through with more determination and you will be glad with the results. =)